zandyne
Full Member
This is NOT Zetsu. DX
Posts: 1,037
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Post by zandyne on Oct 30, 2009 2:30:50 GMT -5
(Setting: Everyone is inserted into a giant monster of fairytale references and parody) (Power Level: 5+ because things are wacky)
Once upon a time in a magnificent apartment complex that looked much more like a marble citadel, there was a queen who wasn't exactly a queen.
He was a Queen in title because essentially that was how the kingdom rolled for lack of a better terming. But most oddly about this Queen was that he would sometimes be closer to a literal one in the context of apparel.
Today was one of those days because he'd royally neglected his laundry. Why he still owned the clothing at all was for dubious reasons at best, and he always rationalized it as a purchase he'd made when he and some rather deviant friends were horrendously drunk.
The only flaw in that argument was that Ivan Gurdji wasn't one to have friends or for that matter actually get drunk.
So there he sat, bored out of his mind on a throne of monochrome in clothing that made most normal individuals cringe because female dresses weren't exactly suited to his kind of build. His loyal commanders, Agari and Deva, freakish eyes of floating black and white with red irises bobbed patiently in the air as Queen Ivan impatiently rapped his fingers on the arm of his metal seat.
After a few laborious seconds passed, he slammed his fist into the arm of the chair, "Just how long does it take for Gen to do laundry? Isn't she a Word Witch who can level cities in a single sentence?"
Agari was the first to respond, taking on the shape of a fairly dark and androgynous humanoid shape with stray wisps of darkness echoing off its form, "She is not suited to modification tasks of the physical realm, it'd be faster if you simply asked her to make you new garments."
The Queen Magician's gaze bore hard into Agari's only eye, but that stare was broken as he laughed to himself, "What a good idea!"
So it was said and so it was done.
Queen Ivan was back in his regular clothing and sporting a messenger hat with a black and white crown embroidered on it. But it wasn't long until he was once again bored with the massive void of his apartment castle.
He bellowed "Agari!" to the air and his respective servant's form manifested instantly.
"Bring me my cellphone! I feel like trying something challenging today!"
Agari bowed lowly and offered its condolences about how it couldn't carry out the order, "It is an easy task my lord, but if you are seeking a true challenge to undertake, I would suggest speaking to Sir Dantalion."
He rubbed his chin skeptically, "Doesn't he charge souls and other such nonsense for his meager services?"
"Mirror to mirror is free on Saturdays my Queen."
Again, Ivan waved his hand and shouted that he be brought a mirror. A moderately sized piece of reflection was found and placed on the wall. Queen Ivan stood before it and with yet another wave of his hand, began the process of contacting Dantalion, a process which sounded nearly identical to the keystrokes of a phone.
Two rings in and a young man with mismatched eyes, white hair and dressed like a priest answered. "How may I be of service great Queen?" Despite the cordial words, he sounded utterly deadpan.
Ivan smirked in response and folded his arms for smug measure, "Are there any hot chicks out there tonight?"
Dantalion's cool expression cracked, "...I beg your pardon?"
The Queen's face tinted a light pink, yet he boldly repeated and amended some details of his request, "I'm a man and I have needs, so are there any hotties available tonight? You already know my preferences."
The demon on the other side of the mirror winced and cocked his head to the side, "I...will see what I can do to help."
"Awesome, just send 'em over when you find them!"
The mirror clicked off with an ill-matched dial tone and Dantalion was left staring dumbfounded at his own reflection. The demon crumbled to a miserable pile on the floor as he started raking his hands through his white hair.
When he got over the initial crippling trauma of his task, he slowly got to his feet and began flipping through his book of infinity for possible one-night suitors for his client. He let out a sigh as he scanned over various names and began concocting the necessary magic for dropping these poor victims onto Ivan's doorstep.
Back in the amazing noir castle-apartment, Ivan was merrily humming to himself as Agari and Deva grimaced at each other over their owner's rash behavior when dealing with possible partners.
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Post by Kagetsuki on Oct 30, 2009 3:19:43 GMT -5
(Disclaimer: This particular Kagetsuki is not to be referenced outside of this RP. Seriously. FORGET WHAT YOU READ HERE. SHE IS A LIE.)
In a land comparatively far from the amazing castle-apartment of Queen Ivan, there played a concert that would be remembered for at least a week. The people of the Imperial City were screaming with excitement, jumping and clapping to the beats of Zansi's favorite dream band: The Entourage (not to be mistaken for the strange human television show). Well-known as one of the rising stars of Hell, its members ranged from the known to the unheard of. Singers Kinaru and Kinaru were staples in Hell's underground scene, drummer Yozamu was known for her ingenious creation of the tater tong mash style of dream metal, bassist Toukan was rumored to be some kind of foreign celebrity, and the rest...well, their association with the band was enough.
Best of all, though, was her--Zansi's very own Noroi Kagetsuki, self-proclaimed Queen of dream metal and the lead instrumentalist of The Entourage! She could do it all: sing, dance, play and of course rock!
...But mostly it was play.
They had just come to a rip-roaring solo, in fact, when the transportation magic began to take effect. A pity, really--the crowd loved their hit single "Human Genocide," and it just wasn't the same without the dreamcatcher. Needless to say it was a bit of a shock when Kinaru and Kinaru signed dramatically for the Dream Queen to take center stage, only to find she'd vanished, instrument in hand.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Kagetsuki had not seemed to realize she'd up and disappeared off-stage, because she started playing her solo as soon as she appeared on Ivan's doorstep. Man, that was loud.
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Post by Toriji on Oct 30, 2009 13:01:58 GMT -5
[Ha!!!! This is hilarious. 'Nuff sed about that.]
Selena had just finished her daily shower and was toweling off during Queen Ivan's contact with his demon friend. thankfully she was already dressed by the time she disappeared.
When she appeared on Ivan's doorstep she still had the towel over he head and was buttoning up her shirt. "Whoa.... How cool." she stared in awe at the large building, not concerned in the slightest as to why she was there and how she got there. All she could think was 'Cool'. That is until Kagetsuki appeared behind her. The jarring sound of the guitar behind her caused her to fall to the ground. She was caught off guard so bad that she fell half-way into her own shadow, and laid there flailing her legs about squeeling in shock.
Meanwhile Artemis, her brother, knocked on the bathroom door and it opened. He looked in to see that Selena wasnt there and immediately facepalmed to the fifth power with his super strength. "Jarrek, Selena has disappeared again." He was simply answered with a raspy "Oh hell..." coming from somewhere in the living room.
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Post by TrueBlue© on Oct 31, 2009 11:00:12 GMT -5
(Fuck yes, henshin go.)
Which brings our story to a dark planet called Pyra. The day was like it always was, black and red and ashy. The air was always poisonous, and the heat was always absurd.
This fair planet was defended by a rough and gritty company of knights that called themselves the Gangsters of the Gates of Pyra, humble servants of Shady Mogg and the Northside Empire. Home for these Gangster-Knights was a white mansion they called their "base," and parked outside were many pimped out rides.
Leaning against one such pimped ride was Commander "Gunz" Veritas, a small woman with blue skin and supernatural green, glaring eyes. She was modestly dressed in a tight, purple spaghetti-strap and sweatpants with "JUICY" written across the backside that hung low enough to show off a hiked up red thong. Her snowy hair was kept out of the way with a red bandanna tied around her head, and the gold chain around her neck hung "abou' twenny-fo' inches," the focus a gaudy, blinging cross that dangled a little above her tastefully exposed belly-button.
"Yo, dirshka!" She shifted her weight to her left hand, using her right to signal a very gangster sign to her second in Command, Aspectus "Lil' Murder" Beta. "De soofi ti a bisa!" These gangster-knights didn't really speak English, you see.
He signaled back with both hands—They looked mangled and broken, but that was actually just how gangster signs looked. He, too, was sporting a bandanna, but he walked with a bizarre limp, perhaps weighed down by the oversized t-shirt, or hindered by the baggy pants very nearly around his ankles, or blinded by the enormous sunglasses straddling his nose.
Speaking of straddling, what occurred next was not very appropriate and won't be detailed in this story.
Back in Queen Ivan's kingdom, the third guest arrived in a burst of violet flames, the heroine "Gunz" Veritas falling out of the fire and landing on her back.
"De hev?! Sunahevas! Het! Di se brufit!" she cussed, muted by the wailing guitar mistress. Scrambling to her feet and pointing at the dazed Selena, Veritas cussed some more, in English this time. "Yo, hoe with the turban! Is yo' white ass warm?!"
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Post by Ninmast on Oct 31, 2009 13:05:07 GMT -5
In another plane, nay, another reality, an adolescent was sleeping soundly in purple silken pajamas, blonde hair tied to either side of the head in pigtails and a fluffy teddy bear squeezed snugly between delicate arms. Dreams filled the teen's head, dreams never imagined before, of dresses, flowers and tea parties as a child that had never been. In sleep, the youth turned over to grab for a white teapot with purple flowers and teddies painted about its base and lid ...
... and promptly let out a yelp as no bed was there to catch the slender form and instead, Devon landed firmly on his soft behind outside the doorway with the others. As rude an awakening as that was, the painful guitar solo was worse, and with a scowl that stuck his pink lip out in a pout, a burst of nonelemental energy erupted from within the bowels of the instrument. Not enough to harm the user, but enough to end the racket for good. "Shaddap!" he complained, his still groggy voice airy and a little less than an alto.
He pushed himself to his feet and dusted his bottom off before looking around. "What's going on? Is this some kind of a prank?"
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Post by Toriji on Oct 31, 2009 15:04:03 GMT -5
The flailing feet stopped upon the arrival of the next two visitors. She reached up to grab the edges of the shadow and pulled herself out and into the air. She tucked into a flip and landed back on the ground with incredible grace, then immediately tripped over he pants which had apparently fallen during the ear-splitting solo. She stood and simultaneously pulled her pants up. while she buttoned them to assure they wouldn't fall again, she scanned the area and two questions came to mind. "Where the hell am I?" She turned around. "And who are all of you?"
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Post by EJP on Nov 1, 2009 4:41:33 GMT -5
(True cursed!)
*Berkly California, 2AM, the Modern Swordsmen (El Wray) and Mink (Mahoro) had just saved all of Berkly from being blown up for the 42nd time since the summer of 2007. Enrique the Penguin chucken hippie slashing techno loving mad bomber El Lobo, had once again tried to blow up Berkly California with a time displacement implosion bomb, that was also rigged up to some many back up plan bombs that one could question why didn't he set off the first bomb before setting the next 4,627 back up plan bombs. Dispirit their victory , The Modern Swordsmen and Mink were, like anyone who is not from Berkly California, lost in the ever so confusing labyrinth that is Berkly's residential area.*
El Wray: "DAMN IT! Another concrete road block... and I can see the damn exit out of this damn maze right there. That's it, I'm going to let Enrique El Lobo blow up Berkly next time. Seriously, after spending the last hour just trying to get out of the residential area, you can understand why he wants to blow this place up." Mahoro: "I can't believe the GPS, Mapquest, Google Maps, and even the local maps of this area are worthless. Its like they want you to get pissed off."
*The Modern Swordsmen took a deep breath and calmed himself. He looked over at Mink and thought to himself.*
El Wray: I wonder if Mahoro has any sort of magic that can get us home faster. I bet she knows something that can help us out. She probably can't think of it right now. She needs some motivation... I know... Waffles, who doesn't like waffles after fighting crime. Then again she could think its a date. Might as well try, not like I'm getting out of here without causing some property damage.
*Mink was looking at maps on the internet to see if there was even one where the road blocks were marked.*
El Wray: "Hey Mink, know of any places, once we get out of here, to get some breakfast?" Mahoro: "No, why?" El Wray: "Well I was thinking, by the time we get out of here it will be time for breakfast and seeing as we did a good job. I feel that we deserve some waffles, my treat."
*Mink blushed a bit and tried to hide the look of joy on her face. Her mind raced with thoughts about El Wray finally asking her out on a date, granted it was a breakfast date. She opened her mouth to answer but before a word could be spoken, she seemed to vanish into thin air. The Modern Swordsmen groaned at this sight.*
El Wray: "Aw fuck... she got so excited about waffles she some how teleported her self away."
*Mahoro soon found herself accepting El Wray's offer sitting on the ground in front some apartment complex, far far away from El Wray. The sounds from the people around her caused a slight pause as she noticed them.*
Mahoro: "FUCK!"
*Mahoro stood up and started walking around in a circle loudly cursing like she was in some British gangster film or anyone who plays counter strike without hacks against people with hacks.*
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zandyne
Full Member
This is NOT Zetsu. DX
Posts: 1,037
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Post by zandyne on Nov 1, 2009 10:00:56 GMT -5
In the lofty office on some level of Hell, Dantalion had finished his work. His entire body was racked with shaking from what he'd just done. Compulsively, he flipped through his book of infinity and broke out a pen to write with. On the page he attempted to ascribe, "I am a respectable Duke of Hell," but the book would insist on erasing the "respectable" portion, and this would prompt him to write it again. He eventually started dryly sobbing to himself at the repeated erasure of the adjective he sought.
From within the great castle apartment, Ivan only heard a muffled imitation of the impressive and incredibly metal dreamcatcher solo that was taking place. The reason being that his throne room was actually quite far from his doorstep. Regardless, it was enough to rouse him from that room and start sprinting, like a boy expecting Santa on Christmas, to the front of his castle.
"Make the proper preparations!" He called to Agari as he continued rushing through hallways that put the length of bowling alleys to shame and decorated with enough pieces of fine china that would make an antique emporium burn with envy.
As he rounded a corner to the currently closed off balcony, with only his light servant, Deva, in tow, he gave a mighty leap, and with the base of his outstretch foot, busted the wooden doors open by destroying most of them. Because of the sheer force behind the impact, he had to catch himself on the lip of the balcony to stop from accidentally committing suicide.
Though he wobbled and he was certainly bleeding from the stray bits of wood sticking out of his pant leg, he stood firmly and proudly. First impressions were important.
Just then, music not unlike what plays at the beginning of each episode of The Bachelor coursed out of invisible speakers. Queen Ivan smirked and mentally congratulated Agari for doing its job. He breathed in deeply before belting out a glorious, "SUP AND WELCOME TO THE CHECKER KINGDOM MY LOVELIES!"
Even though Ivan was thoroughly impressed and giddy with the turnout, Deva was twitch-wobbling to the side in the air.
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Post by Ninmast on Nov 1, 2009 12:16:43 GMT -5
Devon raised his pigtailed head to peer up at the figure above them. And what was with that music? And that blob quivering next to him like some sort of jell-o? Was he the one that brought them all here? And what did he mean, Lovelies? Was this guy some sort of sick pervert?"
He clenched his left fist (for his right still held the teddy bear) as it surrounded with a red aura of magical energy. "Are you the reason why we're here?" he demanded, his voice just under an alto. "If you are, give me one good reason I shouldn't blow that balcony out from under y-ah!" Something seemed to physically yank the mage off his dainty feet by his neck, though it was invisible and undetectable, but in any case, he was promptly on his posterior once more.
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zandyne
Full Member
This is NOT Zetsu. DX
Posts: 1,037
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Post by zandyne on Nov 1, 2009 13:43:11 GMT -5
His tilted smile grew to the disturbing crescent of particularly sexual deviant. Queen Ivan removed his cloth-crown and bowed, though given his rather short stature combined with him being on a balcony high above them, it was hard to notice.
"It's good to know you're all so lively! And the reason why you wouldn't do such a thing to my humble abode is because that would be VERY RUDE."
He clapped his hands together and Agari's eye form appeared next to him, Deva in turn transformed into an elegant, billowing humanoid figure. He muttered excitedly to her, "Tell Roslin to prepare for six," and Deva disappeared with a flash as Queen Ivan continued to address his visitors.
"As for the obvious question probably on your minds, no I am not responsible for you being here, but I will be responsible for showing you all a good time while you're on the premises!"
He fanned out his arms to the sides as though he was doing something spectacularly generous for them despite being a filthy liar, "I, Queen Ivan, cordially invite you all to indulge in your pleasures here! The only thing I politely ask for in return are your names. So please, do share them while we wait for the opening feast to be prepared!"
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Post by Toriji on Nov 1, 2009 23:05:58 GMT -5
"Ooooooh. Like an epic tea party." Selena clapped her hands golf-style quite rapidly to show her enthusiasm. She didn't seem to be bothered in the least by the male queen, Agari, Deva, or any of the others. she had a plainly visible skip in her step as she pranced about like a total moron. "Oh, yeah. I'm Selena Queen Ivan." She then went about her prancing and muttering about tea and house guests.
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Post by Kagetsuki on Nov 2, 2009 4:29:21 GMT -5
Contrary to expectations, however, Kagetsuki's dreamcatcher did not burst into flames, or energy, or whatever was supposed to happen at Devon's irritated pout. Actually, the rock Queen was rather used to having people try to destroy her instrument--it was a common occurrence when she played in front of amateurs. They probably did it out of jealousy. The act had happened often enough early in her career that she'd had the thing enchanted against injury, so that instead of it exploding it simply glowed a bright purple and grew warm in her hands. Nevertheless, it did stop her playing.
She just kind of stood there a second, looking around with one eyebrow raised. As the rest of the visitors arrived, their appearances all different and strange, the Queen rubbed her eyes and laughed, "H'oh, man, guys, did we finish the show already? I think I OD'd on Moujuu's pills again. All I remember is the solo for HG...And there's a blue-skinned chick and some humans in front of me. Hells, didn't I ask you guys to make sure I didn't take those before going on stage?"
There was no reply from the other members of The Entourage, though, and when Queen Ivan burst onto the balcony and the awful music started playing, Kagetsuki's face twisted and she laughed again, this time more confused, "Dudes, I am tripping. Moujuu must have put something new in his stuff, because I seriously feel like this is real. Where are we, anyway?"
For the second time, none of her other bandmates replied. She merely started to look around, looking for all the world like some crazy person talking to herself.
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Post by Ninmast on Nov 2, 2009 16:14:51 GMT -5
"We're at this filthy pervert's doorstep," the pigtailed girl with the teddy bear informed the demon queen as she climbed back to her feet, rubbing her posterior after falling on it twice in short order.
Devon raised his head to glare back up at him. "You aren't getting a THING from me, you hear me?" he shouted up. "Try to lay a hand on me and I'll blow you to smithereens!"
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Post by EJP on Nov 2, 2009 19:40:47 GMT -5
*Mahoro stopped cursing and walking in a circle when the Queen showed up with the dating show music. She looked at Queen for a moment and then the people around her. Shaking her head she put her right hand on her forehead. Electricity started to surge and build up around Mahoro. Anyone around her who was paying attention the cursing would she the danger that was quickly on its way and about to be released around Mahoro.*
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zandyne
Full Member
This is NOT Zetsu. DX
Posts: 1,037
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Post by zandyne on Nov 2, 2009 21:16:55 GMT -5
"Excellent reasoning Lady Selena, that's exactly it, but better!" At no one else mentioning their names and being accused of being a pervert rather than just plain horny, Queen Ivan slammed his fist down onto the stone balcony with severe indignation. Coincidentally that awful music stopped.
Ivan crossed his arms into an x, "No no no!"
He melodramatically drew his hand to his head, and though it was garish, did an excellent, if not authentic impression of being verbally wounded, "I'm hurt that such a thought has even entered your mind! All I want is for you to be happy while you're on the premises."
But no sooner did he finish that performance, did his tone rubber-band to fierce malice, "But if you wish to throw names about, then feel free to sulk on the lawn, Miss Plum Fairy!"
At Mahoro doing an electric female version of going Super Saiyan, Ivan chuckled and tutted playfully at her, "Tsk tsk Miss Pikachu, such anger! You should try to be more mellow like Queen Rocker or G-Girl over there, or even happy, like Lady Selena!"
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