EJP's The Sims 2 Stories

[EJP]

Once again I must remake this topic. I'm not making a poll this time. If you want to see more of something or a sertain something, you have to post about it. Now I'm not going to to take the time to repost every story. Just my latest ones. If you want to read my old ones, You'll have to go here:
thesims2.ea.com/mysimpage/uploads.php?asset_type=story

(The ML Story has been taken down from the EAB, if you still want to see it you'll have to go to my sim stories page.)

[EJP]

Utterly Stupid then and again.



Welcome to Utterly Stupid then and again. I have remade this while including some the good ones. These are all mostly short stories like robot chicken. Some of the things were planed and some things that just happened by chance. ENJOY!

EJP: " So Donut finaly made that super pie he was talking about."



EJP: " It looks to me like the artist was trying to get a clear message arcoss in this."



Shiny: " Must find the answers to- HAY! A snickers bar still in it's package... wait, why is it in spanish."
EJP: " SHINY! STOP GOING THROUGH MY TRASH!"



Spectral: " With this panting, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!"



Spectral: "...ZZZZZZzzzzz.... mum mum curse you EJP... mum mum you shall not foil my plot.... Curse you EJP!"



Silva: " OK, before we eat this I want to know who cooked it. Not pointing any fingers but the person who cooked the mexican food last night keep me up all night."
Travis: " That's your own fault. You just had to drink all that taqueila."
Even: " It wasn't that bad."
PGA: " I wasn't up all night."
KT: " Didn't we order out?"
Donut: " We did order out and I cooked this ok."
Everyone but silva: " OK!"



*Everyone but silva start eating the pankcakes.*

Silva: " I don't know."
KT: " Just eat it."



Flame: " Crap, late for breakfast again... and I see I was only left dishes to clean... bastards."



TV: JOIN! THE SPECTRAL REVOLUTION! TODAY!

EJP: " I think not."
Dr. Girlfriend: " Spectrals going to be pissed your over at his house EJP."
EJP: " What's he going to do about it? Hit me over the head with a Gnome?"
Dr. Girlfriend: " You'll see."



Flame: " I just know I'm going to be blamed for this."



TV: " JOIN THE SPECTRAL REVOLUTION! TODAY!"

KT: " I'll pass."
Moonbeam: " Same here."



TV: " OR BE TURNED INTO RAT FOOD!"

KT: " You don't scare me."
Moonbeam: " Ya."
Donut: " Technicaly I'm already Rat food... my name is donut after all. Rats eat anything?"
KT: " What?"



Spectral: " Curse you EJP and your WTFness."



EJP: " HI! Welcome home."
Spectral: " EJP, what the hell are you doing at my house?"
EJP: " Oh nothing."
Spectral: " You just lucky KT broke the Gnome launcher. Now get out of here!"
EJP: " Ok see ya. *Snicker snicker snicker*."
Spectral: " And stop snickering!"



EJP: " Ehhh... Too much blue."



Silva: " I'm all alone... All by myself... there is no one here, beside me... I'm all alone, quite all alone, No one to comfort me, or guide me-"
Travis: " SHUT THE FUCK UP UP THERE!"
Silva: " FUCK YOU TRAVIS!"

*Silva goes back to singing the song I'm all alone from Monty Python's SPAMALOT!*



Spectral: " I shall take over this world. There is no end to my power! Bow down to me or be turned into rat food!"



EJP: " Now to use that statillite and see what spectral is up... to..."



EJP: " What the crap? Spectral really has problems."



Star: " I'm so going to get you for this EJP."



Kainus: " SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR!"



Girl: " Umm... I'm up here EJP."

(And you people thought I'd never post something like this. By the way this is something that randomly happened. I don't act like this in real life.)



Girl: " EJP quick!, what color are my eyes?"
EJP: " There big, I MEAN BROWN!"
Girl: " THERE BLUE!"

(It happened again... I'm mad. My sim doesn't act like me. This is still just a joke people!)



Girl: " JERK!"
EJP (High pitched voice): " It was worth the pain."



EJP: " Eating pancakes do do let do."

Ninmast: " YOUR BANED!"



Death: I've heard of people turning into cooked turkeys when dieing... but a pop tart? Thats just stupid."

(Voted Donut's favorite death pic by Teh Donut)



Subtle: " AH! Where the hell am I? And what is with the pink swim trunks?... Last thing I remember was being at that anime convention with Lotusblackfire dress up as... oh no..."



Star: *Sigh* " Why me?"



Non-existing hot chick: " That's the last time I eat at EJP's house."

(I'd just like to note. This was a glitch that I had no control over and just found funny as hell. Yes, those a soap sud bubbles coming out of her *Edited by Spectral*)



EJP: " Just who the hell is taking these pictures of me?"



Star: " WHY MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee!?"



Donut: " So whats up Silva?"
Silva: " Flame has left the EAB and Even has been MIA for far too long. You know what this means right?"
Donut: " Ya, but its not like your that comman of an EAB member yourself, along with KT. By the way, shouldn't she be here?"
Silva: " She said something about doing something to some guy named Tom."
Donut: " You mean the myspace guy?"
Silva: " I don't know, I wasn't listening."



KT: " Now I wonder, what does the brains of a prevert look like?"



Silva: " Anyway, with them gone and more comman EAB members right now. You know that we must get rid of these sim verions of themselfs."
Donut: " How are we going to do that?"
Silva: " We are going to kill them. Now before we go over the plan, do you have any question so far?"
Donut: " Just one..."



Donut: " Just why did I have to sit in the bear chair?"
Silva: " You don't get the big chair until you've been in a random insanity RP."
Donut: " This is so unfair."



Star: " What? Why me?"

[EJP]

Spectral: " Say it with me now my gnome army."
Gnome army: " MEH!"
Spectral: " AGAIN!"
Gnome army: " MEH!"



EJP: " Well isn't this just bloodly lovely?"



KT: " OK, I know thats PGA's grave over there and the one next to it is Travis's. So just why did you kill Even and Flame?"
Donut: " It was Silva's idea. I was just following orders."
Silva: " Wow... I'm still in shock over the fact that they all died by satalite crashes. Just where do all these things keep coming from?"
KT: " Oh it's EJP and Spectral who keep causing them. The two are having a satalite war."
Silva & Donut: " Oh."



*Splat*

Star: " Why me?"



Kid: " Hello, my name is-"

*Sounds of impending doom.*



*Crash*

EJP: " Oh my."
Punk Scottsmen: " Bloody hell lads."



Star: " WHY ME!?"



EJP: " Because you, were once a true blonde!"
Star: " THATS A LIE!"



KT: " Wow, guess you had to hold it in on your way to grandma's house."



Little Red riding Ho: " What did you say?!"
KT: " I didn't mean anything by it."
Little Red riding Ho: " Why you!"



*SMACK!*



*After a talk with EJP online. KT decided to go to Little Red Riding Ho's house and kick her ass.*



KT: " Bring it whore!"



*And thus, KT got in a fight with Little Red Riding Ho.*



*But EJP forgot to mention that most "Ladies of the night" know how to fight and the ones that don't usualy are armed. Luckly, Little Red Riding Ho was not armed.*



*But in the end, KT still lost the fight against Little Red Riding Ho.*



Subtle: " Hum hum hum-"

*Door bell rings.*

Subtle: " Who the hell could that be?"



Shiny: " Salad Tosser!"



*SLAM*

Shiny: " OW! My kicking foot!"



Star: " He he he he he he he."
Ninmast: " What so funny star?"
Star: " I sneaked into EJP's house while he was at the Comman EAB Members house and injected some of that stuff they use to indoose vomiting into one of his bottles of scotch."
Ninmast: " That better not have been one of his expensive ones. Otherwise he'll be on one of his revenge rants again."



EJP: " EY! Just a sip of scotch before bed.... This tasted strange."



*Secounds later.*



EJP: " Well... Kainus was the first to passed out. You know what that means?"
Shiny: " Time to shave his eyebrows?"
EJP: " Why stop there?"



*The next morning.*

Kainus: " Aw crap... passed out last night. Better see the damages."



Kainus: " Oh this has EJP writen all over it. I'm going to make him pay for this... litteraly."



Candy: " Hi I'm Candy, I'm new to this neighborhood."
EJP: "...*EJP's thoughts* (Must... not... look...)...."
Candy: "...... Just look before your neck neck brakes."



Spectral: " I... need... BUTTER!"

The END!

[EJP]

Its time for yet another Sim Story from me. Warning: This story contains jokes that may be inoproprate for people without a mature mind set. So don't be a jerk about it.


MT: " So this is the house that EJP gave us?"
This One: " I heard he killed off a family of 6 and gutted the whole thing before we got here."
MT: " Oh great, I just hope he took the corpses with him this time."


MT: " I heard the last EAB members who moved in had to clean up a whole mess of dead Kainus Clones."
This One: " I have just one thing to ask..."


This One: " Why am I dressed up like Sailor Moon?"


MT: " Well when EJP asked you what outfit would you like, you said "whatever". You should be happy EJP gave you some actual clothes."


MT: " What is that mat for?"
This One: " Oh it says something here... *Ahem* Glomping mat. Use for glomping. Reduces harm to back and other more sensitive body parts. Just mask sure to line it up for correctaly for any glompage."
MT: " I wonder why EJP gave us a glomping mat?"


Hair: " Oh hello there, I'm your neighbor Hair. I just moved in next door with my cousin Hinata and thought I'd take a look around the neighbor hood."


This One: "............."
Hair: " What?"
MT: " Oh no..."


*GLOMP*

Hair: " AH! What the hell?"
This One: " Its HAIR!"
MT: " I'm going to go look around the rest of the house if you don't mind."


This One: " Ok, I'll be here with Hair for awhile so don't wait up."
Hair: " Why is your hand moving towards my-HEY!"


MT: " So this is This One's room?... fire place, love rug, and bear chair... yep its her room alright."


MT: " My room... seems small... and why did EJP give me a piano?"


MT: " Did EJP really have to build us an outhouse? I mean, we have working bathrooms already... this isn't a funny joke."


MT: " Oh cool a hot tub. I gotta tell This One about it."


MT: " Hey This One-"
This One: " Still glomping."
Hair: " I feel aroused and yet vilated at the same time."
MT: " Anyway, we have a hot tub in the back yard and I'm going to go try it out."
This One: " We'll join you once we are done."
Hair: " Oh WE will?"


EJP: " Yo."
MT: " EJP... just... how did you get here and change so fast?"
EJP: " Wouldn't you like to know."
MT: " Yes, I would."
EJP: " Alright, there is teleportation device hidden behind a painting of a bowl of fruit. Now that thats out of the way, I thought now would be a good time to welcome you to the hood and tell you the rules."


EJP: " Ok, here are the rules. No cloning, No genetic mutantions, no robots, no mind control, no stealing lawn kgnomes *Cough cough* Ninmast *cough cough*, no building experimental aircraft, no dead reanimation aka no making zombies, no Death rays, de-antomizers, super destructo obiliterators, and all the other laws in the U.S.A. are still in effect. Oh and glomping is frowned appon."
MT: " Frowned appon?"
EJP: " Yes, ever since someone glomped Hinata someone got Spectral to make this beam thingy that'll cause someone to appear in a way that'll cause the opposite sex around them to have the sudden erge to glomp them and believe me, it works."
MT: " So who did you glomp?"
EJP: "...oh... no one."
MT: " EJP..."


EJP: " Yo, I'd like to..."


Hinata: " Oh my, I wasn't expecting a welcoming so-"


*Glomp*

Bjork: " Oh my."


MT: " Prevert!"
EJP: " I couldn't help myself."


This One: " What did EJP do this time?"


MT: " EJP-WOAH! What are you wearing This One?"
This One: " Oh this... well... I had a very UN-revealing swim suit but as soon as I stepped out side, it turned into this. You wouldn't have something to do with this EJP, would you?"
EJP: " I'd be less concerned by what I might have done and more concered on what others behind you are going to do."


This One: " What?"
Hair: " Why hello there?"


This One: " Oh its HAIR! and... HEY! I'm up here... Oh no."

(Author Notes: HA HA! My sim isn't the only one that does that!)


(Author note: Yet he keeps doing it.)


*Glompage*

This One: " Oh my."
Hair: " Oh yes."
EJP: " Well there they go at, shall we move?"
MT: " Seeing how This One has almost nothing on, I think the chances for sex are too high so-"
This One: " I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL! Sorry Hair."


Hair: " Woah! How'd you get out so fast?"
EJP: " You see when the female-"

*MT Kicks EJP.*

This One: " No EJP its not that. I can get out of any glomping situation because I'm a glompage expert."
Hair: " d**n... I need to learn that."
EJP: " I still say it was do to some simple-" *MT kicks EJP again.*


*After telling This One the rules and few minutes of rather boring hot tub time, It was time for EJP to leave.*

EJP: " Well I have to go. Seeing how This One has Hair, I thought it would only be fair to leave you something to make you happy MT."
MT: " If its porn, booze, or anyhing that has to do with sex you can take it back."
EJP: " Oh it has nothing to do with that. I just left you a cooler of rather powerful engergy drink up in your room to help you stay up late or wake up in the morning. Just remember that it takes awhile to take effect and only take small watered down doses."
MT: " Wait! You gave me an entire cooler full of an engergy drink?"
EJP: " I've personaly tested and truth be told its only some all natural fruit juice combined with some plants that have-"
MT: " Whats it taste like?"
EJP: " Taste like mellons."
MT: " Mellons? Thats an odd taste."
EJP: " Well, I have to go so call me if you need me."


This One: " Thanks for not glomping us or trying to get our swimsuits off."
EJP: " No worries."
MT: " Bye EJP."
EJP: " See ya."


*After a quick change, MT called this one over to investigate the engery drink cooler EJP had left MT.*

MT: " Thats an odd shape."
This One: " Oh I bet it's EJP way of cutting down on the juice so it'll run out faster so you'll have to call him for more."
MT: " The odd thing is EJP was with us the whole time, how did he get this in my room?"
This One: " I bet it doesn't matter."


Shiny: " Finaly made it here, and without anyone noticing me. Time to get back down now."


Shiny: " EJP has to stop putting my shinobi powers to waste like this."


*The Next morning.*

MT: " Why is Hair sleep on our cow couch?"
This One: " I didn't have anything to do with it. I thought he was staying at Hinata's house."
MT: " Maybe she kicked him out."
This One: " Why would Hinata kick Hair out?"


This One: " This should wake him up."
MT: " Thats mean This One."


*This One blasts the music. Hair wakes up.*

Hair: " No more... oh wait."


This One: " Hair, why are you sleeping on our cow couch?"
Hair: " Oh... sorry. I figured since you glomped me you wouldn't mind if I slept on your cow couch for the night."
MT: " Did Hinata kick you out?"
Hair: " No... You see... My cousin... well..."


Hair: " This room is too small and I can't take it anymore."


Hair: " I wonder just what Hinata did to her spare room that caused me to be put in that small one. Well, time to find out Hinata's little sceret."


Hair: " What the hell?"


Donut: " Hows it going?"


Naruto: " I'm going to get out of this cage. BELIEVE IT!"
EJP: " Shut up! You've been saying that since I got here."
Donut: " Can I please have my pants back?"
Hinata: " Hair! What are you doing here?"


MT: " EJP..."
Hair: " That blue haired guy is an odd one, but the one known as Donut... he was just delivering a pie as a welcome to the neighborhood gift."
This One: " What about Naruto?"
Hair: " Hinata Kidnapped him so he would be forced to notice her."


MT: " Might as well make breakfast. This One is probably going to Glomp Hair 3 times before she even thinks of cooking."

[EJP]

MT: " So where is Hair?"
This One: " Oh... he's recovering from the morning glompage."
MT: " What do you plan to do today?"
This One: " I think I'll paint something."


MT: " Drawing yet another pic of Hair?"
This One: " No, I'm doing his portrait."


Hair: " Can I leave yet? I really need to use the bathroom."
This One: " No! So MT, what are you drawing?"


MT: " Oh just someone pulling a lecherus monk move."
This One: " EJP will probably get a kick out of that one."


*After drawing Hair grabbing This One's butt and This One glomping Hair some more. MT decided to go up stairs.*

MT: " Time to try some of that energy drink EJP left me."


MT: " I know he said to water it down, but I'm guessing this is just Gatorade with a new name on it."


MT: " Thats strange... out of the cooler it looks like water. Oh well, past the limps and the gums, watch out stomach her it comes."


*MT takes one big sip and soon spits the rest out.*

MT: " Sick! Taste like cherry cough medicine. Mellon flavoured I disagree."


MT: " OH!... I don't feel so good. Maybe I should have-"


*Thump*


*Meanwhile, This One was playing Hair in a game of chess outside.*

This One: " What? I can't be glomping Hair all the time."
Hair: " Your braking the 4th wall."
This One: " Oh, I mean... I sense that I should check on MT."
Hair: " Can I have my shirt... and my shoes back?"
This One: " Maybe later."


This One: " Hey MT, you ok in their?"


Hair: " My eye can see that she past that door and she is looking at herself in the mirror. Something seems wrong."
This One: " Well I better go check on her. MT! I'm coming in."


MT: " Oh god... What did EJP put in that drink."


This One: " MT, are you ok?"
MT: " EJP... that drink he gave me... it did something to me."
This One: " It can't be that bad, let me see."


This One: " HOLY FLUFF-NUGGETS!"


MT: " EJP... that drink... he... he.."


MT: " He gave me super huge boobs."


*Meanwhile.*

EJP: " Hark! I sense I'm needed at the house of MT and This One. Time to get out of here."


Hinata: " Can I have my bra back?"
EJP: " Sorry Hinata, I'm a Naruto x Hinata supporter and I think its about d**n time he noticed you."


Naruto: ".................................."
Donut: " Time for pie. Believe it!"


This One: " Don't worry MT, I'll call EJP and get him over here to fix this."
MT: " What about Hair?"
This One: " What about Hair?"


Hair: "....WOAH!... Hey excellent-"


This One: " Go away, girl talk!"
Hair: " But I was only going to-"
This One: " Not now."
Hair: " But my cousin-"
This One: " NO!"
Hair: " Fine then, I'm going home!"


EJP: " Yo."
Hair: " Weren't you locked up in my cousin's cage?"
EJP: " Maybe."
Hair: " I'm going home. I don't want to see you around my cousin's house anymore."
EJP: " Ok. But you might want to take a few laps around the neighborhood before you get home."
Hair: "...Why?"
EJP: " Well... she's either eating some pie with-"
Hair: " I don't want to know what that means!"
EJP: " But I wasn't-"
Hair: " Good bye."


This One: " I thought I heard your voice."
EJP: " I had a feeling like I should be over here right now. As if destiny was calling me towards this house."
This One: " Well I'm glad your here because we need to talk."


This One: " I know what you put in MT's energy drink cooler. She drank some of it and something happened to her. How do we fix it?"
EJP: " I didn't put anything in that drink."
This One: " Don't lie to me!"
EJP: " I'm not lieing! I didn't do anyting. I know if she didn't take a watered down douse she'd be bouncing off the walls, but thats it."
This One: " I don't believe you."
EJP: " What happened? Maybe I can help if you show me."
This One: " You'd like that wouldn't you?"
EJP: " Huh?"
This One: " I guess I have no choice in the matter."


EJP: " Woah!"
This One: " This has your name writen on it."


MT: " EJP... Explain to me why this happened when I drank your engergy drink?"
EJP: " If you guys have the one that... then that must mean that I gave the real energy drink one to... oh crap."
MT: " NO SIR! Fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it fix it!"
EJP: " I can fix it, but it'll cost ya."
MT: " NO SIR! I'm not paying you to fix it. You fix it for free! This is your fault after all."
EJP: " Sorry, but to fix it will take some time and equipment I don't own. Besides it wouldn't cost you anything but-"
MT: " NO SIR!"
EJP: " Fine then. I know your assuming bad things about me so I'll just leave. Call me when you change your mind."


*The next morning.*

This One: " How did you sleep last night?"
MT: " I had trouble getting confertable... and I kept waking up everytime I tried to roll over."
This One: " Well what shall we do today?"
MT: " I need to go shopping. Nothing we have fits over these."
This One: " I don't know. You know all the eyes in the room will be on you."
MT: " Well Hair's are already on me."


This One: " Oh really?"
Hair: " Must... look... away."


This One: " So Hair, what brings you back today?"
Hair: " I thought I'd drop off something off to help your friend."
This One: " What is it?"
Hair: " Its one of my cousin's... I mean its a chastity bra."
MT: " Why would I... how do you... you know what. If it fits I'll be happy."


MT: " Hey, this fits kinda nice. I don't like how its cold and metal but atleast it turns these two into weapons. I better go thank Hair and show this to This One."

*What MT didn't know, was that the added wheight of that bra would prove a problem when going down stairs.*


MT: " Ow... my back."


This One: " Are you ok?"
MT: " Thats it... I'm not taking this anymore... call EJP."
This One: " Are you sure?"
MT: " I hate to think what would happen if anyone did see me like this... and I don't want to fall down the stairs again."
This One: " Ok..."
MT: " I'm just going to lay down on the cow couch."


EJP: " Alright, lets get those boobs back down to their original size."
MT: " So what am I going to have to do as payment."
EJP: " Oh don't worry, you'll find out in time."


MT: " Ok EJP, lets get this over with."
EJP: " Gladly."


MT: " Why clean toilets for a weak? *sigh* You know... why couldn't have EJP just asked me to a game of topless chess?"


This One & Hair: " Crap! its EJP!"
EJP: " THE STORY IS OVER YOU TWO!"

THE END!

[Thy Masked Tragedy]

As I said yesterday, I think its funny. However, knowing the chastity bra was metal, I would have had enough sense in real life not to go down the stairs. (Which there will NEVER be a case like this, so I have nothing to worry about.)

[EJP]

tragedy said:

As I said yesterday, I think its funny. However, knowing the chastity bra was metal, I would have had enough sense in real life not to go down the stairs. (Which there will NEVER be a case like this, so I have nothing to worry about.)

No worries MT. I wouldn't even think about doing that to you. Here, have some gum.

*Hands MT some gum.*

[This One]

*smacks the gum away* Oh, no. I've learned two things: One, never say "whatever" to EJP. Two, never chew the gum he gives you... ever.

[Thy Masked Tragedy]

OR drink anything he gives you.

[Subtle]

I'm going to assume I spent most of this story in the background with a chaingun fighting lawn gnomes or something equally awesome.

[EJP]

Subtle, you've been cut. Your not in this story and your the only thing your sim is doing is talking to your deformed neighbors. I've decided to end the Subtle saga because it wasn't in high demand even though I had another part to it already lined up. Your sim is still alive living in that crap shack and has since been untouched since I last worked on the Subtle saga.

[Subtle]

You may do this to me now, but you just wait until I blow up your planet in spore!

[EJP]

Good luck with that Subtle. Seeing how my computer can't run the game with even an exceptable amount of lag and I always could lock out the upload, preventing my little creatures from being uploaded. Not to mention you wouldn't know where to start looking for my planet or even what my little creatures would look like.

[Subtle]

Wait, are you talking like you already have spore or am I dazed and confused?

Doing a Spore story would be a cool sort of competitor to your sims story. Something similar but not stepping on your toes really.

[EJP]

Subtle, I researched the game and I know enough about computers to know I can't play it on my computer. As Spectral once said, "your going to need a NASA super computer and a human sacrfice to run the game". I can't add anymore RAM to my computer and I'm not wasting another $300-500 on a new video card that won't help. But one day I shall get a new computer and I shall get the game.