Post by Subtle on Apr 27, 2007 1:36:32 GMT -5
( This is a short little fairy tale I had to write for creative comp. It ends abbruptley and is kind of odd. Enjoy or not.)
Goblins and the Golden Goose
Once upon a time, in a not so far away land, a small park in New York, there was a little boy, a plucky young child not unlike the nuisance that stalks your neighborhood on a regular basis. A curious lad, with scabby knees, sandy hair and jean shorts, named Billbert Doddlefoot, or as everyone called him, Billy.
Like all generic fairy tail protagonists Lads, Billy was curious… it was completely in character for our hero to be curious when he saw a golden goose a’floatin through Bobbidty Park’s pond. That Goose was a gallant creature, glittering golden, from beak to buttocks. Armed with nothing but his trusty long sword ( which was actually a small tree branch striped any intervening twig) and a bag of crunchy Cheetos to use as bait, Big Game Hunter Billy set out for his prey… five, six, seven Cheetos he threw to his prey, that Golden Goose. Little did Billy, Magical Geese love fatty snacks.“ HONK! HONK!” Our goose echoed in agreement with the narrator. Little Billy did not know that magical geese are powerful enough to break the third wall. Every aside, aside, The Goose waddled his way towards little billy, snipping up Cheetos with his golden bill, moving every towards the bushes where Billy is stalking, like a panther in the night, ready to pounce… and so he did.! The Goose and little Billy wrestled for dear life! Or rather, Billy wrestled with the subdued goose. He expected a fight from it but all he managed to do was, in a cartoon dust cloud, fall into a massive bottomless pit that was sitting on the grass knoll.
“ Wowy Kazowy!” Yelled little Billbert, as he landed kersplash in a odd pond, deep underground, with his gold feathered prey flutters down next to him and roosts ontop of the water. Billy scrambles to the surface and begins treading water… much to his dismay , he sees a half dozen pair of red eyes peeking through the darkness of the caverns. A wavering, unconfident voice was heard through the cavern, speaking among the huddle of eyes. “ Master! Master, there it is, there it is! This is what we’ve been waiting for.” And yet another voice responded, this one, strong, confident, and barking orders, obviously in charge. “ Quite you ninny! IT’LL HEAR US!” With a resounding, Ironic yell, the Goose squawks and begins to swim, away, twards little Billy, who’s all afright and aghast and a’ getting out of the way, moving to swim being a rock, hiding from the prying eyes. As one of the pair of eyes lights a torch, they reveal their true shape. Gruesome, Greedy Green skinned gremlins, with scarred, scabby skin. Twisted little fingers, boogers hanging from their noses, bug eyes, grabby little hands all with torches and clubs... all leering at our protagonist, mouths hung open, hungry for guy and goose. Goblins , in short. All of them were as tall as little Billy, save one double their size. wearing a fuzzy cloak and pair of baggy pantaloons, carrying a twisted looking scepter in one hand, and a crown on his head. He was obviously the leader, if not by his violent personality, then by his towering height “ Eat-y! Poopsmith! Get that Chill’un!” Two of the gobblers galloped forward, one with a pointy-toothed mouth that dominated his face, another suspiciously caked in what appeared to be mud. The other 4 followed behind… The chase had began!
The atmosphere in the other world was cartoon like, as the young boy and the goose cradled in his arms scampered over stumps and stones. The Goblin King and his demure, bespectacled, book toting assistant trailed behind a buff looking goblin, and one covered in gold, including a massive clock around his neck. Poopsmith and Eaty were darting ahead, each clumsy little goon stumbling over himself. Billy was distressed! “ How do we get out of this, Mr. Goose? I dun wanna be Goblin chow! I wanna go home and do my homework!” The Goblin King was not amused. “ Homework? What kind of nerd is this kid? Screw letting the henchmen do this, I'll gut 'em myself!” The glasses clad familiar speaks softly to the king. “ You know, sire... I did my homework at Goblin school quite regularly. “ The Goblin King scoffs. “ And we can see what good that did you! I'm the KING!” He points a crooked thumb to his chest... when they notice Eaty dart foreward, two forks in hand and land on young Billy! Poopsmith wrestles both of them to the ground and shouts, “ Got 'em boss!” “ Thats, KING you INGRATE! DON'T EAT HIM!”
But it was too late! Eaty was already slobbering over young Billys head. The child yellowed, “ Yuuuck! This is Super gross!” The Goblin King would let no beast have his prey though! He kicks the little goblin next to him. “ Torch 'em all!” The little goblin sighs and opens up his massive tome. “ Harbl'dee Garbbl'de Gobblde Gleethen! Torch unworthy of master, the heathens!” A massive fireball ripped into existence, and burned a massive path through the earth, towards the pair of goblins, our hero and the sought after prize! Roaring screams we're heard, and the rancid smell of rotting corpses emanated. The Goblin King kicked the littlest goblin, and he climbed on the King's shoulders and held his nose shut for him. The Goblin King was excited though. “ Let's see if we cooked my goose!” The other goblins sigh, most feeling uneasy over the ally torching that just took place. When the flames clear, they see little billy and the goose in a magical golden shield of friendship! Billy is shocked! “ The power of friendship always prevails!” The Goblin King looked sick. “ I hate friendship.” His comrades looked uneasy, so he added hastily, “ It makes you less smart, less strong, and less gangsta. Friends are for fairys and elves. Enough of this crap anyway!” The Goblin king charges forward, the muscled Goblin, the bling toting' goblin, and the little nerdy goblin on his shoulder all right behind him. They piled in on the shield, each scrambling for the goose, the prize! But they were in for a surprise!
Another warping took place! The goose and the goblins and the little guy all gyrating through time and ending back in good old Central Park. The mess of goblins ended up fighting mostly with themselves, as Bilbert and the goose snuck out from under the cartoony quarrel. The people in the park screamed though! And it was as expected, considering Goblins are mostly segregated to rural areas and sewer systems, they don't belong in parks. Quickly, cop cars careened into the whole area, as their raido's spat out “ 5150! 5150! Criminally insane green men are attacking children and wildlife with knives! We must save Billy!”War erupted between the Goblins and the Cops! Bullets flew! The Goblin king managed to shank a cop, and take his megaphone. “ THUG-LIFE, MOGG! PROTECT YOUR KING!” The bling clad goblin took out pistols of his own and shouted. “ Dang, yo! Time to get real! Dis foo's a cop killa!” The strong goblin meerly started head butting police officers, civilians and the handicapped. The Goblin King continued barking. “ You show em' Mogg! Goblins hate the handicapped!” The little goblin poked him though, and whispered. “ Sir, sir... the goose is getting away...” The Goblin king turned the megaphone to his servant's ear. “ WHAT? GETTING AWAY! NO! I NEED THAT!” The Goblin King scampered after Billy and the Goose, who were running away from the police barricade. He grabbed his little buddy by the coat, and finally, fed up with it all, THREW him at Billy! And hit him! The littlest goblin bit down on billy's shoulder after saying, “ I'm sorry sir...” and forced billy to drop the golden goose... but what happened then?
Why, the goose laid a trio of Golden eggs... and they all lived happily ever after! The goblins got an egg, little billy, and even the cops... The Goose itself was donated to the handicapped in order to pay for the lawsuit they filed against the Goblins. And there was happiness and rainbows for all of New York. Moral of the story: Greed is entertaining.
Goblins and the Golden Goose
Once upon a time, in a not so far away land, a small park in New York, there was a little boy, a plucky young child not unlike the nuisance that stalks your neighborhood on a regular basis. A curious lad, with scabby knees, sandy hair and jean shorts, named Billbert Doddlefoot, or as everyone called him, Billy.
Like all generic fairy tail protagonists Lads, Billy was curious… it was completely in character for our hero to be curious when he saw a golden goose a’floatin through Bobbidty Park’s pond. That Goose was a gallant creature, glittering golden, from beak to buttocks. Armed with nothing but his trusty long sword ( which was actually a small tree branch striped any intervening twig) and a bag of crunchy Cheetos to use as bait, Big Game Hunter Billy set out for his prey… five, six, seven Cheetos he threw to his prey, that Golden Goose. Little did Billy, Magical Geese love fatty snacks.“ HONK! HONK!” Our goose echoed in agreement with the narrator. Little Billy did not know that magical geese are powerful enough to break the third wall. Every aside, aside, The Goose waddled his way towards little billy, snipping up Cheetos with his golden bill, moving every towards the bushes where Billy is stalking, like a panther in the night, ready to pounce… and so he did.! The Goose and little Billy wrestled for dear life! Or rather, Billy wrestled with the subdued goose. He expected a fight from it but all he managed to do was, in a cartoon dust cloud, fall into a massive bottomless pit that was sitting on the grass knoll.
“ Wowy Kazowy!” Yelled little Billbert, as he landed kersplash in a odd pond, deep underground, with his gold feathered prey flutters down next to him and roosts ontop of the water. Billy scrambles to the surface and begins treading water… much to his dismay , he sees a half dozen pair of red eyes peeking through the darkness of the caverns. A wavering, unconfident voice was heard through the cavern, speaking among the huddle of eyes. “ Master! Master, there it is, there it is! This is what we’ve been waiting for.” And yet another voice responded, this one, strong, confident, and barking orders, obviously in charge. “ Quite you ninny! IT’LL HEAR US!” With a resounding, Ironic yell, the Goose squawks and begins to swim, away, twards little Billy, who’s all afright and aghast and a’ getting out of the way, moving to swim being a rock, hiding from the prying eyes. As one of the pair of eyes lights a torch, they reveal their true shape. Gruesome, Greedy Green skinned gremlins, with scarred, scabby skin. Twisted little fingers, boogers hanging from their noses, bug eyes, grabby little hands all with torches and clubs... all leering at our protagonist, mouths hung open, hungry for guy and goose. Goblins , in short. All of them were as tall as little Billy, save one double their size. wearing a fuzzy cloak and pair of baggy pantaloons, carrying a twisted looking scepter in one hand, and a crown on his head. He was obviously the leader, if not by his violent personality, then by his towering height “ Eat-y! Poopsmith! Get that Chill’un!” Two of the gobblers galloped forward, one with a pointy-toothed mouth that dominated his face, another suspiciously caked in what appeared to be mud. The other 4 followed behind… The chase had began!
The atmosphere in the other world was cartoon like, as the young boy and the goose cradled in his arms scampered over stumps and stones. The Goblin King and his demure, bespectacled, book toting assistant trailed behind a buff looking goblin, and one covered in gold, including a massive clock around his neck. Poopsmith and Eaty were darting ahead, each clumsy little goon stumbling over himself. Billy was distressed! “ How do we get out of this, Mr. Goose? I dun wanna be Goblin chow! I wanna go home and do my homework!” The Goblin King was not amused. “ Homework? What kind of nerd is this kid? Screw letting the henchmen do this, I'll gut 'em myself!” The glasses clad familiar speaks softly to the king. “ You know, sire... I did my homework at Goblin school quite regularly. “ The Goblin King scoffs. “ And we can see what good that did you! I'm the KING!” He points a crooked thumb to his chest... when they notice Eaty dart foreward, two forks in hand and land on young Billy! Poopsmith wrestles both of them to the ground and shouts, “ Got 'em boss!” “ Thats, KING you INGRATE! DON'T EAT HIM!”
But it was too late! Eaty was already slobbering over young Billys head. The child yellowed, “ Yuuuck! This is Super gross!” The Goblin King would let no beast have his prey though! He kicks the little goblin next to him. “ Torch 'em all!” The little goblin sighs and opens up his massive tome. “ Harbl'dee Garbbl'de Gobblde Gleethen! Torch unworthy of master, the heathens!” A massive fireball ripped into existence, and burned a massive path through the earth, towards the pair of goblins, our hero and the sought after prize! Roaring screams we're heard, and the rancid smell of rotting corpses emanated. The Goblin King kicked the littlest goblin, and he climbed on the King's shoulders and held his nose shut for him. The Goblin King was excited though. “ Let's see if we cooked my goose!” The other goblins sigh, most feeling uneasy over the ally torching that just took place. When the flames clear, they see little billy and the goose in a magical golden shield of friendship! Billy is shocked! “ The power of friendship always prevails!” The Goblin King looked sick. “ I hate friendship.” His comrades looked uneasy, so he added hastily, “ It makes you less smart, less strong, and less gangsta. Friends are for fairys and elves. Enough of this crap anyway!” The Goblin king charges forward, the muscled Goblin, the bling toting' goblin, and the little nerdy goblin on his shoulder all right behind him. They piled in on the shield, each scrambling for the goose, the prize! But they were in for a surprise!
Another warping took place! The goose and the goblins and the little guy all gyrating through time and ending back in good old Central Park. The mess of goblins ended up fighting mostly with themselves, as Bilbert and the goose snuck out from under the cartoony quarrel. The people in the park screamed though! And it was as expected, considering Goblins are mostly segregated to rural areas and sewer systems, they don't belong in parks. Quickly, cop cars careened into the whole area, as their raido's spat out “ 5150! 5150! Criminally insane green men are attacking children and wildlife with knives! We must save Billy!”War erupted between the Goblins and the Cops! Bullets flew! The Goblin king managed to shank a cop, and take his megaphone. “ THUG-LIFE, MOGG! PROTECT YOUR KING!” The bling clad goblin took out pistols of his own and shouted. “ Dang, yo! Time to get real! Dis foo's a cop killa!” The strong goblin meerly started head butting police officers, civilians and the handicapped. The Goblin King continued barking. “ You show em' Mogg! Goblins hate the handicapped!” The little goblin poked him though, and whispered. “ Sir, sir... the goose is getting away...” The Goblin king turned the megaphone to his servant's ear. “ WHAT? GETTING AWAY! NO! I NEED THAT!” The Goblin King scampered after Billy and the Goose, who were running away from the police barricade. He grabbed his little buddy by the coat, and finally, fed up with it all, THREW him at Billy! And hit him! The littlest goblin bit down on billy's shoulder after saying, “ I'm sorry sir...” and forced billy to drop the golden goose... but what happened then?
Why, the goose laid a trio of Golden eggs... and they all lived happily ever after! The goblins got an egg, little billy, and even the cops... The Goose itself was donated to the handicapped in order to pay for the lawsuit they filed against the Goblins. And there was happiness and rainbows for all of New York. Moral of the story: Greed is entertaining.
