The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
|
My Poem
Mar 21, 2007 23:51:17 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Mar 21, 2007 23:51:17 GMT -5
dying on the strangers knife, looking at the murdered wife, dying on the strangers knife, why'd he take this life?
looking at the body, wondering why god why, dad is sleeping with a hottie, we are sleeping and she was getting high.
staring lifeless on the floor, never gonna scream anymore, momma made a mistake, soon she goona bake.
dust to dust, ashes to ashes, this story is done, so quit askin.
|
|
|
My Poem
Mar 22, 2007 0:16:51 GMT -5
Post by Thy Masked Tragedy on Mar 22, 2007 0:16:51 GMT -5
Hmm, sounds like it could be a rap. *braces self for a slap* ._. ;;;
|
|
The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
|
My Poem
Mar 22, 2007 23:27:32 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Mar 22, 2007 23:27:32 GMT -5
it does doesnt it....
*sends in to a rap manager and get shot at*
dam you!
|
|
|
My Poem
Mar 22, 2007 23:57:44 GMT -5
Post by Thy Masked Tragedy on Mar 22, 2007 23:57:44 GMT -5
O.O;;; *runs away with the speed of crack induced lightening*
|
|
Subtle
Full Member
Dynamic Sentai Vic Riot!
Posts: 716
|
My Poem
Apr 7, 2007 23:10:47 GMT -5
Post by Subtle on Apr 7, 2007 23:10:47 GMT -5
This poem is fairly poor.
The first verse has a repetition of lines, which isnt so bad, and could be a half decent begining for a better poem.
The second verse is devoid of ryhtem. The first two lines convey a decent meaning though lack personality. The third and fourth line mess up the tense your speaking in, and the fourth throws off the rythem of the whole verse, seems forced, and makes the poem substaintially more confusing. Was she murdered or did she overdose on drugs? Whats the purpose of the drug refrence if she was murdered?
The third verse, like the second, lacks rythem. It also fails to add any new meaning to the poem, as it simply reitterates what we already know. The first two lines provide description to the scene, but at this point in the poem the reader probobly already has a mental image, and trying to change that just weakens the image. The third line just adds to the confusion of what actually happened in the poem, and the fourth is an obvious fourth line
The fourth verse adds nothing to the poem, being made up of a catchphrase and a few filler lines.
Its nice that your making an attempt to write poetry, but poorer works such as this should best be saved on your hard drive and laughed at in a few years, while you practice and get better.
|
|
The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
|
My Poem
Apr 17, 2007 18:25:42 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Apr 17, 2007 18:25:42 GMT -5
it was what i hoped for. i found tat from a few years ago. i dont write stuff like that. it was just to funny, something made back in early 2000's
|
|