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Torment
Nov 27, 2007 2:15:59 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Nov 27, 2007 2:15:59 GMT -5
Why am I tormented with such a thing?
Something that taunts me even while sleeping?
Why am I haunted by something I can never be,
And why does it bother me so when I see
Representations of that which I desire
More than anything, that which sets me afire?
Why can’t it leave me alone in my bed,
Instead of running rampant about in my head?
I hate it, I hate it, with such a passion,
But try as I might, it refuses all ration.
Again and again, it returns to my side,
Wounding my body, my soul and my pride.
Am I a hypocrite, or am I a fool?
Am I a crazed man, or simply a tool
Of a will greater and older than mine
That I’ve misunderstood too many a time?
Oh, what I’d do to know for just a day,
The weight of the trappings, the touch of the clay.
But this thing is nonsense, nonsense, I cry!
How can I even think such a thing, much less try?
To emulate such behavior, I fear,
Would only serve to bring scorn to my ear.
And, so I reason, much like the grapes and the fox,
I’d hate it, myself, the moment out of the box.
And yet it continues to strike me with need,
Firing upon me, granting no heed
To my futile whimpers and weak little whines,
For it knows I need it, it knows the signs.
My will is too weak, its pull too strong,
So will I be tortured all the days long.
No remorse shall I find, no peace will be mine.
I need it too much, even small tastes, so sublime.
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Moonbeam
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Evil Kitty Queen. 8D
Posts: 873
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Torment
Nov 27, 2007 12:03:28 GMT -5
Post by Moonbeam on Nov 27, 2007 12:03:28 GMT -5
I -really- hope that doesn't mirror your own emotions. It sounds emo, but is good! I think it'd make a good song. As long as its not Rihanna singing it. ^.^
Great job!
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Torment
Nov 27, 2007 12:20:29 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Nov 27, 2007 12:20:29 GMT -5
Well, any writing in some manner reflects some dimension of thought of the writer. That's unavoidable. But it really has nothing to do with being emo. It's about a personal issue I've always struggled with and just can't seem to get on top of.
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Moonbeam
Full Member
Evil Kitty Queen. 8D
Posts: 873
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Torment
Nov 27, 2007 12:24:44 GMT -5
Post by Moonbeam on Nov 27, 2007 12:24:44 GMT -5
You want to talk about it? =/ *offers cookies*
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Torment
Nov 27, 2007 12:51:48 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Nov 27, 2007 12:51:48 GMT -5
I appreciate it, but no. It's something I need to handle, somehow.
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Torment
Nov 29, 2007 12:43:33 GMT -5
Post by Thy Masked Tragedy on Nov 29, 2007 12:43:33 GMT -5
*frowns and tilts head* Awh, Nin this is really sad. It's VERY good, but it's so sad.
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Silva
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I don't need no stinkin avatar!
Posts: 285
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Torment
Nov 29, 2007 19:55:57 GMT -5
Post by Silva on Nov 29, 2007 19:55:57 GMT -5
Nice poem, but once again you made a really vague subject here. Oddly enough this reminds me of drug addiction. You're not addicted to crystal meth/crack cocaine/x-tacy/herion and writting about it, are you Ninmast? I mean, it's ok if you write decent poetry about it, but that drug thing may be a problem.
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Torment
Nov 29, 2007 23:06:57 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Nov 29, 2007 23:06:57 GMT -5
No, I'm not, but again, my subject was deliberately left vague. The poem was meant to broadcast the emotion, not the subject.
No need to worry, though, it has nothing to do with drugs.
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Red14
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Cwonowopowis?
Posts: 341
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Torment
Nov 29, 2007 23:23:33 GMT -5
Post by Red14 on Nov 29, 2007 23:23:33 GMT -5
Hmmm This seems quite similar to what i feel....
In any case, good job!
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Torment
Nov 30, 2007 0:01:04 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Nov 30, 2007 0:01:04 GMT -5
Thank you very much, and that's precisely why I try to leave the subject vague. The less clear the actual subject is, the more people it can seem to apply to, and the better a poem seems to apply to you, the more you can connect to it.
I can guarantee with fairly high accuracy that none of you connect to this poem for the same reason I do, but that's not what's important. What is important is that you DO connect to it, rather than HOW you do so.
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Silva
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I don't need no stinkin avatar!
Posts: 285
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Torment
Dec 4, 2007 21:30:43 GMT -5
Post by Silva on Dec 4, 2007 21:30:43 GMT -5
Ok, I understand, you want the reader to relate to the poem, so you just make a general idea or feeling and have them apply it to whatever it is that's going through their life. That's ok, it's just that without something precise to think about when writing the poem, it ends up becoming flat and emotionless. I just so happened to think up drug abuse when reading that because, well, I've had a pretty nasty history there that's best left behind.
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Torment
Dec 4, 2007 22:54:03 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Dec 4, 2007 22:54:03 GMT -5
Yeah, that's exactly right, Silva. And there definitely is a subject that drove me to write that poem. I just tried to leave it out for that reason.
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