The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
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Friend
Apr 13, 2007 23:44:50 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Apr 13, 2007 23:44:50 GMT -5
I have a friend, and she is really cute. I want to ask her out, but I can not seem to find a way to ask her. I am at that point in a relationship where I am more reliable friend to her, that she goes to me fore boyfriend troubles first. What do I do?
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Friend
Apr 14, 2007 2:02:45 GMT -5
Post by LotusBlackfire on Apr 14, 2007 2:02:45 GMT -5
Dont even bother with her, she sees you as a brotherly friend, unless by some random act of god changes her mind otherwise your almost completely screwed, and whats worse you'll risk loosing her as a friend
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Friend
Apr 14, 2007 10:47:39 GMT -5
Post by Veros on Apr 14, 2007 10:47:39 GMT -5
By the ladder theory, as a woman she has 2 ladders, the 'real' ladder and the friend ladder, you're stuck on the friend ladder, basically as Lotus says, don't bother, you're on the wrong ladder, if you do date her, one of two things will happen, you lose a friend or she lets you 'jump' to the real ladder, but its not really worth the risk.
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The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
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Friend
Apr 15, 2007 12:52:55 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Apr 15, 2007 12:52:55 GMT -5
Oh. So I am screwed either way?
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Friend
Apr 15, 2007 13:56:42 GMT -5
Post by LotusBlackfire on Apr 15, 2007 13:56:42 GMT -5
Basically heres whats gonna happen, if you try and go for it, our doomed to lose that friend if you dont go for it your gonna obsess over her everyday you see her
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Friend
Apr 16, 2007 13:30:13 GMT -5
Post by Teh Donut on Apr 16, 2007 13:30:13 GMT -5
Remind me never to come to you two for relationship advice.
I didn't want to get into this, because so many things can go wrong when it comes to this sort of advice, especially since I don't know her, or what manner of person she is. I can tell you this; Lotus and Veros are somewhat right, you're in the toughest friend position of all the friend positions. The true, trusted friend, the one she trusts to help her in times of trouble. Usually girls only trust other girls with such issues, so the fact that you're in this position at all speaks volumes about what she thinks of you.
Telling her your feelings towards her could ruin all that. She could find the situation you'd then be in too awkward and cut ties with you as a friend. She could still be your friend, but no longer truest you as much, leaving you in a "lower" friend status, but still friends. Or, best case scenario in the rejection bracket, you guys mightstay friends, nothing changes.
Just as likely, she could have the exact same feelings for you, but doesn't think you have the same feelings for her because you've always been giving her advice about other guys...could explain why she holds you in such a high friend position. Then again, she might just see you as a friend, but could be willing to make it work because you're such a great guy. Like Veros and Lotus said, nothing is set in stone.
But the risk of failure is no excuse to be a pansy about it and do nothing.
All I have to ask is, even if the relashioship fails, do you honestly still think you would look after her as you always have? Even if she forsakes you? If you honestly think you would, then go for it. Love is worth it like that, and you'll find that will regret doing nothing for the rest of your life if this is the case. If not, and you're only wanting to date her because she's cute, don't even bother.
All in all, we can't tell you what to do, contrary to what Lotus and Veros seem to think. You know her best, and you know your own feelings best. So listen to your heart, because if you listen to you heart, and not your pants, things will turn out their best. Even if that best does mean doing nothing.
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Subtle
Full Member
Dynamic Sentai Vic Riot!
Posts: 716
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Friend
Apr 16, 2007 16:27:45 GMT -5
Post by Subtle on Apr 16, 2007 16:27:45 GMT -5
I just skimmed Donut's post, but I' m going to agree with his opening statement. Lotus and Veros don't seem to be the best people to go to for romantic advice.
While you may risk the chance of loosing her as a friend, on the converse, the strongest relationships of all are built off friendship. Ultimately, if you are looking for a spouse, you need to be both lovers and best friends if you want to have a truely happy relationship. Often times, teenage relationships fail beacuse while the pair may be inflaturated at first, when that fades they have nothing.
I would go for it.
Instead of asking her out right off the bat, tell her you have feelings for her, see how she reacts, and then go from there.
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Friend
Apr 18, 2007 0:40:18 GMT -5
Post by EJP on Apr 18, 2007 0:40:18 GMT -5
I've read everything everyone has said here and everyone has their points here in there. But sadly as it is, I have to agree with Subtle. He does make some sense in my opinion.
So I say go for it. Friendship can be healed and even turn into sex buddies in some instances if a relationship happened at one time or another. Although I can't say I've seen that one in real life. However, I could say I've heard it happening once, as much as I didn't want to know it was happening. Go for it because if you don't go for it soon, you could lose her to some jackass of a guy who you completely hate with your very soul, in a manner of speaking that is.
Now, this is just my opinion. I'm not telling you do anything. Truthfuly my relationship experience is slim at best. But I have viewed many other people's relationships and can tell you what they did wrong in them. So the only real thing I could say is this, only you will now if it is indeed true love.
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Friend
Apr 26, 2007 22:10:45 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Apr 26, 2007 22:10:45 GMT -5
I'm throwing in with Subtle and Donut here, but I know that sometimes, it can be hard to differentiate just which kind of attraction has its highest hold on you. Here's some questions to ask yourself before you even approach her like that.
1) How do you think of her when she isn't there? What scenarios do you find yourself picturing most when you think of her? Primarily, do they lean toward scenarios where she is physically close to you?
2) When she's there, do you find yourself preferring specific outfits or watching for particular movements?
3) Do you find yourself responding the nearer she is to you? Is this a primary cause of your feelings of attraction toward her?
4) Do you ever find your gaze going to a particular part of her body?
I'm sure there are far more questions you could ask yourself, but these were all I could come up with now. This is a delicate situation to give advice on without us knowing both parties involved, but if you answered yes to any of the above questions, you might want to reconsider if you are seeking love or lust. In the matter of question 4, where is irrelevant. If you are drawn to a physical quality, even something as innocent as the eyes, you hear people talking about how they get lost in their eyes, you are showing a greater response to her physically than you are to her emotionally.
This doesn't mean that true love can't also develop, and there's nothing wrong with finding her physically attractive, as well, but if these are key components in your attraction to her, then it is likely it is a primarily physical attraction, and you need to try to get around that first.
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The Crow
Full Member
Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? Curve? A murder. A murder of crows. Think about it.
Posts: 329
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Friend
Apr 26, 2007 22:32:56 GMT -5
Post by The Crow on Apr 26, 2007 22:32:56 GMT -5
1) i wish she was around, i picture the conversations we have, no
2) not really. i pay closer attention to what she says
3) can you explain that question better?
4) not really, more to the sound of her voice. i pay close attention to when she is speaking.
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Friend
Apr 26, 2007 22:45:44 GMT -5
Post by Veros on Apr 26, 2007 22:45:44 GMT -5
I think he means does your feelings seem to escilate when you are near her, for no truely obvious reason.... but that's what I think he means lol
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Friend
Apr 26, 2007 22:56:08 GMT -5
Post by Ninmast on Apr 26, 2007 22:56:08 GMT -5
Yes, that's what I mean, but if you're answering honestly, then I would say go ahead, when she's got a moment, just ask her, "Hypothetically, if I liked a girl, really liked her, what would be the best way to approach her?" Whatever she says, it's most likely to be the way she most prefers to be approached on the subject.
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